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Bests,Trends &Tips for Solo Living -- plus Fab Microwave Recipes
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Our Solo Lady Microwave Recipes for One (or Two) by Barbara Kafka When I was introduced to Solo Lady by this site's travel columnist Janet Rodgers, I realized that I had found the perfect venue for one of my favorite areas of cooking and writing, microwave recipes for one. The microwave oven makes it not only practical but also rapid and enjoyable to make oneself a meal after a busy day. It requires no fat, does vegetables brilliantly as well as fish, providing both pleasure and health. I'll be adding specially chosen recipes regularly here at Solo Lady. Do try them, and enjoy!
This is a light and lovely dinner for one made in a high-power microwave oven. It is particularly good in summer when really large white scallops are around. It goes extremely quickly so be sure to bring water with salt to the boil and put some orzo or riso pasta in to boil which will serve to enjoy the ample juices provided by this dish. ¼ teaspoon olive oil Slick the bottom of a deep soup plate or pie plate with the oil. Arrange the shallots in a paving style round on the bottom. Put the scallops in a touching layer on top. Put tarragon leaves on each scallop. Sprinkle cumin evenly over scallops. Cover dish tightly with plastic wrap. Microwave for three minutes. Prick plastic with the tip of a sharp knife and remove. Spoon drained pasta into juices surrounding the scallops. Sprinkle with salt. Eat and by all means use a spoon. ***** Luscious Artichokes
This past weekend, I found the most glorious, fat artichokes in the market. It is after all artichoke season. The weather was sweltering. Rather than eat a whole meal for lunch, I had two artichokes. For more normal use, make one for yourself and one for a guest or to eat the following day. I simply used mayo from a jar to dip into; but a simple vinaigrette would be good. On a diet? Use balsamic vinegar. 1 lemon juiced As the artichokes are cut and trimmed, rub them all over with the lemon juice. Any remaining juice can be put in the dressing. Place artichokes next to each other in a soufflé dish or other container just large enough to hold them. Cover dish tightly with microwave plastic wrap. Microwave in a high-power oven for 4 minutes. Prick plastic with the tip of a sharp knife and remove. Eat and enjoy. *****
Turmeric is a gorgeous orangish powdered spics from rhizome related to ginger. It is extremely healthful. The main component is curcumin. (Look it up on the Web.) Here it is paired with companionable colors of shrimp and tomato. I like to serve it at room temperature with half of a peeled and sliced avocado per person. It will serve two as a first course and be an ample meal for one, perhaps with some softened rice, or bean thread noodles. 2 tablespoons turmeric powder Stir together turmeric and oil in a 4-cup glass measure. Cook uncovered for 30 seconds in a high-power microwave oven. Remove measure from oven. Stir in shrimp, basil and tomatoes. Cover tightly with microwave plastic wrap. Cook 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Pierce wrap with tip of a sharp knife. Remove wrap. Stir in lime juice and salt. Allow to come to room temperature. Serve with avocado and noodles if desired. ***** Delish Fish with If you have tomato sauce on hand—bottled sauce is fine—the only real work here is stemming and washing the spinach, and that’s not much. It is healthful (145 calories) and almost fat free. I suggest serving it with a side dish of pasta with a little olive oil. Or you can accompany it with bread, a salad, and a glass of wine and still be on a diet. ½ pound spinach leaves, washed, stemmed and thoroughly dried, loosely packed (about 2 cups) 1. Mound the spinach in the center of a 10-inch pie or quiche dish. Cook uncovered at 100 percent, for 40 seconds. 2. Remove from oven. Push spinach to the edges of the plate to form a ring. Place filets in the center. Sprinkle lightly with pepper. Pour tomato sauce over the fish. Cover the dish tightly with microwave plastic wrap. Cook for 2 minutes in a high-powered oven or 30 seconds longer in a 700-watt oven. Prick the plastic to release steam. Serves 1. *****
Into even the leanest life, a sweet craving will fall. Coming home one evening, I wanted something sweet, but not cloying and if possible a little unusual. Here is the result. I loved it, quickly made in my high power oven. Add another minute for a 700 watt oven. Start it before your main course and eat when you feel like--hot or warm. ***** Veal Delight with Cream Last week I promised a sinful and delicious recipe. I forgot just how healthful the microwave is. It isn't easy to make a rich main course. This is an excellent shot. I tested it in a high-power oven. If using an older oven, up the time to four minutes. ***** Healthy Heavenly Chicken and Mushrooms Many years ago, a Frenchman, Dr. Pomiane, wrote a book about cooking in ten minutes. He stated that when one comes in the door one should put some water on to boil even if one doesn’t know what it will be needed for. In this case, it will be needed to cook some rice to accompany the chicken. The rice takes longer to cook than the rest of the meal. Recently there has been a lot of talk about the taste that the Japanese, umame, have added to the customary Western group. It is usually cited as being present in soy sauce. I find it happily in the dried mushrooms used in this recipe which are also aromatic. They are porcini in Italian, cepes in French and Boletus edulis most properly. They seem very expensive; but a very small amount needs to be used as they are very light in weight.For want of a better phrase, I describe the usual store-bought white mushrooms as “plain white mushrooms.” The proliferation of ingredients available to us has made nomenclature much more difficult. The recipe is for use in a high power oven. If the oven is only 700 watts, cook dried mushrooms for two minutes and the chicken for six. ¼ ounce dried porcini Put the dried porcini and the stock in a two-cup glass measure. Poke the mushroom pieces down into the stock. Cook in the microwave for 1 minute. Remove from oven and stir in mustard and sliced mushroom caps.Place chicken in the center of a nine-inch glass pie plate. Put half of the string beans on either side. Pour mushroom mixture over chicken along with the heavy cream if desired. Cover dish tightly with microwave plastic wrap. Use two overlapping pieces if need be. Cook for Four and a half minutes. Before removing from oven, prick wrap balloon that will have formed with the tip of a sharp knife.Serve to yourself with the pre-made rice and a good glass of red wine. ***** Spring Salmon in a Hurry Below I give a main course that is the essence of spring—all on one dish. It can't get much easier. Of course, if you're having company, say a friend, you don't have to abandon the handy microwave. Double the ingredients and follow the longer timing given at the end. The recipe is written both for a 700-watt oven and for the newer, high power ovens. For One: High Power Oven 8 ounce skinless salmon fillet about 1-inch thick To serve 1 using an older 700-watt oven: Cook as below for 4 minutes To serve 1 in a new high-power oven: In a 9”x9” oven proof dish or glass pie plate, put the piece of salmon to one side. Put a pile of asparagus in the center and spread out the potato slices in the remaining space. Cover tightly with microwave plastic wrap. Microwave on high for 3 minutes. Without removing from oven, prick plastic to release steam. Serve yourself drizzling everything with some olive oil and lemon juice. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Eat. A glass of white wine would be lovely. To serve 2: Double ingredients. Use a rectangular microwavable dish roughly 14” long. Put asparagus in the center. Put a piece of fillet on either side. Spread potato slices at either end. Cover tightly with plastic warp and cook for 4 minutes 45 seconds. *****
_____ Solo women, like most wine drinkers, can get intimidated by which wines to serve with which foods. But you really can drink wine with just about anything, according to a new web site devoted to food and wine pairings, www.NatalieMacLean.com. Zinfandel with your Tex-Mex? Not a problem. A little Chardonnay with your fried chicken take-out? Delicious. Pinot Noir and wild boar? Why not, says Natalie MacLean, who has included these in a free, interactive matching tool at www.nataliemaclean.com/matcher. _____ The New SAT (Singles Aptitude Test) -- Help Create It!I like to think of what I do as myth-busting and consciousness-raising. I use science to shatter stereotypes about single people. But science can seem sober, and consciousness-raising by traditional means can come across as rather earnest, especially in this brave new and edgy world of blogging. So how about humor? Can you help? Here's what I have in mind. I want to create a new SAT - the Singles Aptitude Test. The point isn't really testing, though the items actually will have correct answers. The new SAT will be an instrument with "attitude" (maybe I should call it the Singles Attitude Test), taking the conventional syrupy wisdom about marriage and transforming it into a new and hipper brew. Think of it as a subversive guide for the single and savvy. Don't look for the final product in Tests and Measurements catalogs. It is more likely to end up in one of those little novelty books that proliferate around the holidays. Here are my first 10 items. The answers are at the end. Test yourself, then go at it. Improve my items, add your own, create new categories or better titles for my categories, or just lurk and enjoy everyone else's contributions. Keep sending your suggestions long after this post disappears from the front page of the PT blogs - I'll still find them. Do you have some clever friends who may have some witty and brilliant additions? Then click on the share/e-mail icon and send this post to them. Enjoy! Singles in the Movies 1. In Mona Lisa Smile, Julia Roberts, the new college teacher, arrives at the residence where she will be staying with the other female college professors. The person who greets her explains the rules for the coming year, including, "no hotplates and no male visitors." What did Julia say in response?
Singles in Music
2. In song lyrics, Billy Joel once swooned, "I love you just the way you are." What is his relationship to the woman he described in those lyrics?
Singles in Toyland
3. The male doll who was created to stand alongside Barbie was Ken. What happened to Ken?
Singles in Children's Books
In the book, The Paper Bag Princess, a dragon destroyed the princess's castle, incinerated all her clothes, and took off with the prince she planned to marry. The princess, now wearing just a paper bag, outsmarted the dragon and rescued the prince. The prince scolded the princess, saying, "Elizabeth, you are a mess! You smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you are dressed like a real princess." 4. How did the princess respond?
5. What was the fate of the book, The Paper Bag Princess?
Singles in Politics 6. In 2001, this President said he would give $1,100 to any unmarried presidential employee who married within one year. Also, a symposium was held in the capital of his country to "enhance awareness" in the young men and women of his country of the "social, moral, religious and health benefits of early marriage." Who was this President? A. George Herbert Walker Bush 7. In 2005, Florida Republican Party leader Jim Stellings lashed out in court at a political rival. Stellings thought his rival had defamed him, and complained, "That's unconscionable...I believe in family value." Why was Stellings so upset?
Truth or Truthiness? 8. Which of the following quotes really did appear in print?
The Wisdom of Single People 9. In an interview in 2004, a Newsweek reporter said to Lauren Bacall, "You're 80. You look fabulous. You seeing anyone?" What did Bacall answer?
Name That Single Person
10. Three of the following four men were married. Which one was single?
ANSWERS. 1d. 2a. 3d. 4a. 5b. 6b. 7c. 8c. 9c. 10d. ***** Notes from a Single Voter -- Court Me I'm single. Always have been. I'm also an educated and informed participant in the political process. Even when all of the candidate choices are dismal, I still show up at the polls and cast my ballot for the least disappointing person. But millions of other single people do not seem to share my enthusiasm. To many progressives, it is exasperating, frustrating, and bewildering that so many single people are with them on the issues but just don't vote. I think there are lots of reasons for this, and I've written about some of them during the 2004 campaign and in my new book, Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. Here, I want to take you through a brief tour of some of this season's political outreach, narrated from the point of view of someone who is single. I hope you will start to see how even those candidates and groups whose positions I (mostly) favor and respect do not seem to have much respect or concern for me. Here's what I hope is appealing about the suggestions I will make today: The interested candidates need to invest no extra time or money to implement them. All they need to do is rewrite their campaign materials so as to include all of their constituents, not just the married ones. (Oh, and when they claim to value human values and not just "family values," they should mean it.) Exhibit #1. In a recent e-mail, Patty Wetterling let me know that Minnesota firefighters, police, and nurses stood at her side at the state Capitol. She promised to continue to "fight to keep children and families safe." Did she really mean to imply that she was concerned with the safety of all of her constituents, as long as they were not single people without children? Why not pledge to work for the safety of every single person in her district? (Double meaning intended.) Exhibit #2 (a collection that just keeps growing). Earlier in the year, Bob Menendez posted a blog on Give 'Em Hell Harry in which he proclaimed that he was "Standing Up for Working Families." At the website of the Democratic Party, I learn that the "Bush Economy Fails Working Families." Over at the home page of the Massachusetts AFL-CIO, I find the "2006 Fight for Working Families Headquarters." Why don't we all declare our support for workers instead of "working families"? The trite byte isn't even sensible; employers don't hire working families, they hire workers. Exhibit #3. Consider, too, the deeply shameful television ad designed to smear Harold Ford. Watching the scantily clad white woman wiggle and wink as she asked the black candidate to come hither was excruciating. But something else alienated me, too - the implication elsewhere in the ad that the only candidates worth supporting are those who are devoted to the elimination of the so-called "marriage penalty." The mantra-like pledges to relieve married people of their burdens, without any comparable concern for single people, would be off-putting even if the "penalty" really did fall disproportionately on married people. It doesn't. Exhibit #4. Here's another e-mail I got. It seems to be from the Phil Angelides campaign, but the sender is not Phil but Julie. It begins, "Dear Bella, I have been married to Phil Angelides for 24 years." So the message seems to be, "Vote for Phil Angelides; his wife thinks he's great." Or maybe it is even simpler: "Vote for Phil Angelides; he's married." I understand the temptation to reach for the images of the sturdy "working families" or the warm and fuzzy loving wives. Married people are the low-hanging fruit. They vote more often, and that tastes good now. But is this a wise long-term plan for a party that wants to sustain itself for decades to come? Maybe candidates and parties figure that since most people eventually do marry, their appeals to marriage and traditional family will reach single people once they have become unsingle. Or maybe they believe that most single people want nothing more than to be married, and so singles will identify with the matrimaniacal messages on the basis of their longing. Wrong. The Pew Internet & American Life Project surveyed thousands of American adults late last year (2005). They found that the biggest group of single people, 55 percent, said that they were not in a committed relationship and that they were not looking for a partner. And while it is true that most Americans do try marriage at some point in their lives, there is another statistic that I find even more compelling. On the average, Americans now spend more of their adult years unmarried than married. It is now marriage that is the transitional stage - connecting one singlehood to the next - and it is transitional only for those people who do marry. The rising tide of single people has been building for decades, and it has not yet crested. The current mid-term campaign will be over in days, but the importance of people who are single to politics and to our nation will long endure. ***** Issues of Women Working Outside the Home One of the biggest shifts in the past few decades: "the number of women working outside of the home has almost doubled," according to CNN. This is, indeed, a demographic revolution well worth examining. The issues it raises are significant. For example: earning enough to live with dignity? How many are working more than one job and still not making ends meet? And what about the women in the workforce who are doing fine economically - what are the societal implications of a class of women who are no longer tethered to men for economic life support? And what about the quality of the workplace? How has it changed for women - and men - who have children and want to care for them? Can workplaces become "family-friendly" without also becoming hostile or unfair to workers who do not have partners or children? Have employers come to recognize and respect a panoply of important people and passions in their workers' lives, and not just the ones packaged in conjugal boxes? Those are just a few of the deeply important questions that could be posed in a piece about the doubling of the number of women in the workforce. But they are not the questions that interested CNN. Instead, the segment opened with a 39-year old woman who had achieved a high level success as a corporate executive. CNN introduced her not to praise her but to pity her. You see, she has started to hear "the loud tick tock of her biological clock." So she has left the executive suite for a job "which allows her more time to date." Enter the one and only person CNN has invited to comment on women in the workforce - author Sylvia Ann Hewlett. Look no further than the dust jacket of her book, Creating a Life and you will get a good sense of what she is about: "The more a woman succeeds in her career," Hewlett claims, "the less likely it is that she will have a partner or baby." Hewlett trotted out for CNN the same dire statistics she peddled in her book. There is only one problem with Hewlett's claims: They are wrong. Women with outstanding accomplishments on the job are no less likely to marry and then have children, if that's what they want, than women whose workplace achievements are more ordinary. (For a particularly insightful and thorough debunking of the Hewlett book, buttressed by evidence from a nation-wide study of 33.6 million women, see Garance Franke-Ruta's article in The American Prospect.) Back to the one woman CNN has found who was once an executive but is now seeking marriage and children. The reporter asked her what she might do if she does not find the right man in five years. "I think I would be very open to single motherhood," she replied. Wrong answer! The voice-over tells viewers what she was supposed to say: "What she really wants, though, is someone with whom to raise a child." The reporter takes it from there: "What's your perfect kind of guy? We might be able to find him for you with this broadcast." So there you have it. CNN, the so-called liberal network, takes a story about women's march into the workplace and turns it into a dating game. Successful single women have long been the targets of scare stories warning that their fancy jobs won't love them back and their high-powered eggs will shrivel and die if they don't hurry up and procreate. (I discuss this in more detail in my book, Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.) CNN perpetrates these backlash myths under the banner of balance. How difficult it is for these women with their career successes to have it all, sighs the network. I think the concept of "balance" has been under-analyzed and overrated. Stereotypically, balance is something that dedicated career women do not have, and will not have until they have added a spouse and children to their lives. But what about the women (and men) who do not want to follow someone else's script for a neatly-proportioned life, and want to tip their own scales toward the pursuit of social justice or scientific discovery or an understanding of the human condition? And what about the trade off between individual balance and the greater good? Take former Justice Sandra Day O'Conner, for example. When she walked away from her lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, she said she wanted to spend more time with her husband, whose was in poor health. Perhaps in doing so, she achieved greater balance in her life. Maybe she also deserves credit for being a caring spouse. Surely her husband benefited from her decision. But what about the nation? As one who believes that our country would have been far better served by the decisions of O'Connor than by those of her successor, I am saddened by her balance. I wish Sandra Day O'Connor were single, and dedicated her time to serving the cause of justice for as long as she lived. ***** Passionate Pursuit At dinner, Brenda mentioned that she had been talking about me with some of my other friends. They were "concerned." They have been, for years. They are all academics, with the comfort and job security that comes with tenure. I have no regular source of income. They are all homeowners. I rent. They have all spent more than a decade here in California, and have the networks of friends and neighbors that come to surround people who settle in and stay a while. I'm a relative newcomer, and knew no one very well when I first arrived for what was supposed to be a one-year sabbatical. Not long ago, I had what they had. I had a university job, with tenure. I lived in the same small town for more than two decades. I had circles of friends and a home that I owned. Then I walked away from it all to pursue my passion - the study of the place of people who are single in contemporary American society. I live in that place, and I have all my life. For many years, I kept a private mental inventory of observations that seemed worth pondering. For example: • A colleague and I were hired at the same time, in the exact same position, and continued working for years. He can leave his Social Security benefits to his spouse when he dies; mine will go back into the system. I also clipped headlines trumpeting the transformative power of matrimony. Citing the latest studies, they announced that miserable and immature single people would become happy, healthy, and long-living pillars of the community, if only they would wed. Then I tracked down the professional journals and read the original research reports. I discovered that just about all of these matrimaniacal claims were grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. I started to go public with my once-private collection, discussing, debating, and publishing what I had found. Some of the reactions to my work were immensely gratifying. Others were not. Colleagues protested that I could not study singles impartially because I was single; they had no problem with the legions of married people who study marriage. A job that I coveted was dangled before me - with the stipulation that I expunge from my application materials any mention of my interest in singles. A listener who had just heard me on the radio e-mailed to suggest that I get a tubal ligation. I hate being criticized, but the more people disparaged me and my message, the more determined I became not to be dissuaded. If that meant forsaking a guaranteed paycheck in order to devote nearly all of my time to this new passion, then so be it. I guess that's why my friends seem to think I'm fearless. Aren't you scared, they ask, over and over again. They know I'm stealing from my savings to pay the rent, at a time in my life when I should be building, not depleting, my retirement funds. I work for hours, seven days a week, but almost nothing I do feels like work. I don't own a home, but I'm still in the beach house I rented when I first arrived, and I can see the Pacific Ocean from my desk. What's so fearless about that? ***** The Real Scoop About Marrying After 40 Newsweek, it turns out, was just kidding about the terrorists. Twenty years ago, the magazine infamously quipped that 40-year-old women who had not yet married were "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever get married. The news was considered traumatic. In 1986, a therapist told Newsweek that "everybody was talking about it and everybody was hysterical." Now Newsweek has recanted. The chances of marrying after 40 are actually much higher than the initially reported 2.6%. Newsweek wants to know why they were so wrong. I have a different question: Why did it matter? Even if the original statistics had been true, why should that have been a cause for trauma or hysteria? At my age (52), the chances that I will ever be a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker are surely less than 2.6%, but that awareness does not send me scurrying fretfully into the offices of a therapist. The myth about low marital odds can have the power to incite panic only if it is co-dependent on a second myth that is even more pernicious -- that life as a single person is shameful and sad. It isn't. But Newsweek has yet to get that part of the story straight. In its pictures and in its prose, Newsweek is still peddling the myth of the poor single women, who -- even if they thought they were happy -- really did not know what true happiness was. The morality tale of the virtuous married people and the clueless singles is unfurled through the words of a handful of women who had been interviewed as singletons for the 1986 story, and then again in 2006. Take, for example, the story of Penny Sohn: Then, in 1986, she was totally "focused on her career" as a director of the NJ Department of Higher Education. Friends used to comment on her glamorous life. Now, in 2006, she is married with children. According to Newsweek, Penny now "realizes that family, not work, is what constitutes a person's real legacy." Adds Penny, "Now I really do know what I was missing." Or consider Laurie Anderson: Then, in 1986, she said: "I have a meaningful life with meaningful relationships." Now she's married and she's "ecstatic" -- in fact, she wishes she'd married earlier. Sally Jackson's life lessons are also celebrated. Then, 20 years ago, she was described as the "President of a successful public-relations firm," and enjoying her "charming 18th-century cottage overlooking Ipswich Bay." Now Newsweek quotes her as saying that "it is much more fun" to be married. In fact, the caption next to the picture of Sally and her husband says "pure bliss." So, in twenty years, Newsweek has gone from terrorist sensationalism to marriage triumphalism. The myth of marital superiority will not be lost on those who merely flip through the pages of the magazine, looking at the pictures. Five big pictures, sometimes sprawled across two pages, show women who have married. Their husbands are right there with them, as are their children, if they have any, and even a pet. There are also smaller pictures of the women and their husbands on their wedding day. The last two pictures are of women who stayed single. They are squeezed onto one page. The bigger picture goes to the glum-faced Nancy Rigg. In a quote next to her picture, she says that even if she lives to be 100, she will still be open to the possibility of marrying. Of all people in all the pictures -- 18 of them, if you include husbands and kids -- the ever-single Nancy Riggs is the only one who is not smiling or kissing. The other single woman posed a real problem for Newsweek. The magazine could not get Lillian Brown to bemoan her single status, nor to pine for a partner, either then or now. Instead, she talked about how happy she was with her friends, her child, her grandchild, and her life. Plus, when they took her picture, she had the audacity to smile! What was Newsweek to do? They showed her! They literally stuck her in the basement corner. Her picture is in the very bottom of the last page of the story, right next to the binding. The important people in her life are not included. Lillian, Newsweek is telling us, is single: by definition, she is alone. If scientific studies really did show that marriage transforms people from miserable singletons into blissfully happy couples, then Newsweek would have every right to rub it in. But they don't. On average, people who marry and stay married show a small blip in happiness around the time of the wedding, but then they go back to being about as happy as they were when they were single. As for the people who marry and then divorce, they are already becoming a little less happy as the wedding day approaches, a trend that typically does not reverse until about a year before the divorce becomes final. In touting its marriage triumphalism, Newsweek was missing out on the better part of our adult lives. The magazine is right in claiming that most people (probably about 90%) eventually do get married. But that statistic hides a more significant one: Americans now spend more years of their adult lives single than married. People who do marry often don't get around to it for a good long while, and then, many do not stay married for long. After divorce or widowhood, remarriage (especially for women) is hardly inevitable. Newsweek spells out its moral for us: "The real story of this anniversary is the unexpected happily-ever-afters." Newsweek was referring to the women who were single two decades ago, and now are married. I think they've still missed the real story: Often, the women who are living happily ever after are -- and always have been -- single. ***** If You Dine Alone, What Will People Think of You? (Part 1: See If You Can Predict the Results) On a beautiful summer evening at Baltimore's Inner Harbor, back when I lived on the East Coast, I stopped for dinner at an outdoor café. My server lingered a while each time she appeared, offering conversation along with the refills of my iced tea. I wondered - did she think I was uncomfortable dining alone? In fact, I was feeling serene. I had spent a busy, boisterous day with three guys I adore - one of my brothers and his two sons. They had already left. I wanted to stay and savor in solitude the warm breezes, fresh seafood, and the parade of people passing by.It wasn't just my server who seemed surprised and a bit protective of her lone diner. The hostess who seated me also did the solo-diner double take, glancing an extra time or two to see whether there really was someone else with me, who had just wandered off for a moment. At least she did not ask the "just one?" question. (Nor did a spotlight follow me to my table, as happened to Steve Martin in The Lonely Guy.) While people-watching, it struck me that no one else seemed to be at the Inner Harbor on their own. I observed intently for 20 minutes, and never spotted even one person who seemed to be there without another person or group alongside them. Wasn't there anyone else within driving distance of the Inner Harbor who would have enjoyed heading off on their own to saunter around on such a perfect evening? I have always thought it odd that in a nation supposedly known for its rugged individualists and daring adventurers, so many people seem reluctant to venture on their own into safe and comfortable places such as restaurants and movie theaters. When I first looked for research on the topic, I didn't find much. There was a study published in 1981 that reported that people seem more distressed at the prospect of walking into a restaurant alone than walking into an empty room alone, staying home alone, or living alone. Why the hesitation? The celebrated sociologist, Erving Goffman, offered one explanation: "To attend alone is to expose oneself as possibly not being able to muster up companionship." Yeah, I know. You didn't need a sociologist to tell you that if you go out to dinner on your own, other people will think you are a loser. I'm a social psychologist, though, and a numbers-loving one at that. No matter how strong my intuition may be, and how many others may seem to agree with me, I want to see the relevant research. What do other people really think when they see someone dining alone? Continued at: http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200804/if-you-dine-alone-what-will-people-think-you-part-1-see-if-you-can-predict_____ If You Dine Alone, What Will People Think of You? (Part 2: The Results) Thanks to all who predicted the results of the study that asked, "If you dine alone, what will people think of you?" A variety of suggestions were offered. My colleagues and I - before we actually conducted the study - thought all of your predictions seemed plausible. Well, all except one: the one that was correct! "Adora" nailed it when she said, "It is probably no big deal if you dine alone."I don't mean that no one ever has a snide thought about a person who is dining solo. The shoppers who commented on our photos did have some unkind things to say about the solo diners, including the very remarks that some of you predicted. But, they also made many neutral and positive observations. Most importantly, the people who commented on the pictures were no more likely to say anything negative (and no less likely to say anything positive) when the person in the picture was dining solo than when the same person was with other people. We looked at all sorts of factors to see if they mattered - for example, was the person in the picture a male or a female? A younger adult or an older one? Were the people making the comments male or female? Single or married? No matter what we included in the analyses, the answer was always the same - there were no consistent differences in how a person was judged depending on whether that person was dining solo vs. with one or more other people. Let me explain. Some negative comments were made about the solo diners, as we anticipated. For example, people said things like, "He is lonely," "Doesn't have many friends," "She looks depressed." But look at some of the other comments we got: "Enjoying a few good peaceful moments." And my favorite: "He is secure." For comparison, let me tell you about some of the comments that were made about the pictures that showed one man and one woman dining together. We expected those pictures to elicit mostly kind words. We did get some positive comments. For example, people said that the man was out to "dinner with his wife for fun;" or that the two are having a "fine, quiet conversation Others said that "they are very close," or that "they enjoy spending time together." But now look at some of the other comments that were made about the male-female pairs: They went to dinner "to have a talk because their relationship needs some mending." We found the same mix of some positive, some negative, some neutral comments for all of the different sets of diners we studied - same-sex pairs, one person sitting across from a male and a female, or a male and a female on each side of the table. Two of the people who commented on Part 1 of my post made an important observation. "Terry" and "Ladyexpat" said that by showing people photos of solo diners and asking for comments, we were creating a focus on the solo diners that may not occur naturally. Maybe when people go out to dinner, they just pay attention to their own dinner (or dinner companions), and hardly even notice the other people in the restaurant. There is some great research relevant to Terry and Ladyexpat's point. I think that work may also help to explain why people are reluctant to go out to dinner on their own, even though they are probably not going to be judged any more or less harshly than if they were went out to dinner with other people. The studies were conducted by Thomas Gilovich and his colleagues to document what they call "the spotlight effect" - "people's tendency to overestimate the extent to which their behavior and appearance are noticed and evaluated by others." Continued at: http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200804/dining-alone-part-2-here-s-what-people-really-do-think-you (If you have a question or comment please go to our SL message board and communicate with Dr. Bella! Or write her at, sololady@sololady.com) Bella DePaulo is our Harvard-trained Solo Lady psychologist, and the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. She is a Visiting Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara._____ by Aleksandra Todorova Feel like your hard-earned cash leaves your wallet faster than it should? Don't blame the lattes. Chances are you're blowing through money in much more substantial ways, from paying too much for your car to forking over insurance premiums you could easily reduce. So forget about penny-pinching. Here are five major ways solo women and all folks waste their money. Stop wasting money in these areas and you'll never fret about your latte spending again. New cars Because cars depreciate fastest during the first two or three years of ownership, that new-car smell probably costs you 30% or more than if you bought the same car used, says Philip Reed, consumer advice editor for the car information Web site Edmunds.com. "People who have money and are good with money frequently buy used because they understand how much they're saving," he says. On top of that, used cars typically have lower insurance premiums, mainly because they cost less, Reed explains. Click here for advice on buying a used car. Brand Names At the drug store or supermarket, some brand items are simply not worth buying. The generic versions are just as good and cost much less. This can be anything from bananas and paprika to most over-the-counter medications. The secret: Generic items are often made using the exact same formulas as the brands you like. In some cases they're even made by the same companies. But since drug stores and supermarkets don't have to advertise these products, generics are much cheaper. Click here for some specific examples. _____
We take the advice of the experts at Wachovia bank, to make sure we single women make the most of our money for future tax breaks. And when possible, consult a financial planner:Six Do's: 1) Instead of selling property, swap it. You can defer capital gains on real estate by reinvesting in a new property. Especially important if you're newly solo, when you may want to downsize to someplace more appropriate.2) Consider tapping your IRA early, without paying a penalty. Normally, tapping money from an Individual Retirement Account or other retirement account before age 591/2 prompts a 10% penalty. But that won't happen if you meet the requirements of a little-known IRS provision called Code 72t. There are several conditions, so consult a financial pro.3) Monitor proposed tax law changes. Investors and homeowners need to follow them closely. 4) Consider consolidating your retirement accounts. One IRA account will make your funds easier to manage, and offer broad investment options. But watch out for lost tax advantages. Consult a tax advisor.5) Update your will. Especially if you have gone through recent changes such as divorce or widowhood. Talk with your attorney about updating the language and provisions to make the most of new exemptions. 6) Check your designated beneficiaries. Make sure the info reflects your current family situation, and that designations support your objectives. Six Don'ts: 1) Don't get stuck paying credit card interest. Nothing is more difficult to get out of. If needed, rates can be lower with a home equity loan, and interest may be deductable. 2) Don't chase investment trends. Think long-term.3) Don't forget to rebalance your portfolio at least once a year. Allocations shift with the markets, so make sure your holdings haven't gotten away from you. 4) Don't neglect reviewing your insurance coverage needs to reflect your current situation. 5) Don't ignore international equities. Overseas investments could help buoy your portfolio if the US market turns bearish.6) Don't shirk your retirement accounts. Contribute the maximum to 401(k)s and IRAs. _____
Looks?
But the survey respondents were savvy enough to know that money can't buy them love: A full 43 percent said they expected they'd probably end up divorced from their dreamed-of money mate. Women were more likely, overall, to consider money in the marital equation. Nearly three-quarters of surveyed women in their 30s said they'd marry for money, compared to 41 percent of men in their 20s. Brette McWhorter Sember, a former divorce attorney and author, says while, obviously, no one ends a healthy marriage thinking they'll marry up, it's her experience that divorced women particularly do shoot higher, financially, the second time around. "I don't think that we can attribute this to greed — I think you ought to also consider the statistics that show that women who divorce are thrown into financial difficulty, as opposed to men who generally come out of it just fine," Sember says. "The experience of being practically destitute can be a powerful motivator." Divorced women who are thrust into paycheck-to-paycheck living aren't the only ones with an eye on financial assets while dating. Men whose income has become diluted by child support and alimony also realize the power of a partner's financial finesse, says Pat Nowak, author of "The ABCs of Widowhood." Some 61 percent of men in their 40s said they'd marry for money in the Prince & Associates survey. "So finding someone to date, with substantial resources, is now considered quite acceptable," Nowak says. "Why be poor when you can combine assets and live the life you previously did?" (from Divorce360.com)
Yoghurt Info Of those who eat frozen yogurt, ice cream or gelato, two in three young adults and seven in 10 of those who have at least one child at home said they'd prefer to enjoy it at a shop where they could be with friends and family and have fun. Down There According to a durvey launched by Vagisal, vaginal discomfort has a significant "emotional toll" on women: 80 percent feel frustrated, 68 percent suffer increased self-consciousness and 29 percent get angry. Increasingly Solo Based on an analysis of Census data and trends, BusinessWeek magazine projects that by 2010 nearly 30 percent of American households will be inhabited by someone who lives alone. By then, married couples with kids will drop to 20 percent. This shift in lifestyles and household arrangements, including the boom in solo senior living, is bound to have an effect on American society -- socially, economically, and politically. Perhaps some of the current challenges faced by solo seniors will become less daunting as government agencies and private businesses pay more attention to those who are home alone. Can a Season Save a Relationship? Trish McDermott, world-renowned authority on romance states that “statistically, your relationship is most likely to end in the different seasons as follows: Spring 15 percent, Summer 23 percent, Fall 23 percent, Winter 38 percent.” So, if your relationship survived winter, the odds are in your favor to survive spring and move forward. About Cheating Husbands “The average (infidelity) case is wrapped up in four to eight hours,” explains Thomas Martin, a private investigator and former federal agent with the FBI. Here are some statistics based on his 38 years and 30,000 marital surveillance cases:
Disordered Eating Self, one of the least culpable among women's glossies and certainly deserves credit for undertaking the following study with the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Now, brace yourselves for the results of this survey of 4,023: Sixty-five percent of women ages 25 to 45 engage in disordered eating, "such as skipping meals or cutting out food groups." (If skipping a meal doesn't register as particularly unhealthy, note that these are cases in which the women say it's "associated with emotional and physical distress.") In addition, 10 percent of women report behaviors consistent with anorexia, bulimia and binging. Other findings, as summarized by the press release:
Cynthia R. Bulik of the UNC School of Medicine added a rotten cherry to this sickening sundae: "More than 31 percent of women in the survey reported that in an attempt to lose weight they had induced vomiting or had taken laxatives, diuretics or diet pills at some point in their life. Among these women, more than 50 percent engaged in purging activities at least a few times a week." What Would People Do to Save Their Marriage? Divorce360 commissioned a Roper poll to find out what people would do to save their marriages. If you're divorced you might have tried one of these:
Odd Stats of Interest to Solo Women $201: Average amount spent by men on dates every month. 380,000: Women who are stalked by husbands or exs every year 2.2 million: Marriages that take place in the US every year (that's 6,000 a day) 5.5 million: Unmarried couples living together 10 million: Membership total for match.com $2.4 billion: Jewelry merchandise sold in the US in 2/2004 (from Florida International Magazine, 2/2006) *** Here are more odd stats from the 2007 OkCupid.com survey of 5,000 singles: Healthy Men For those of you single women who seek a healthy guy: from Men's Health Magazine, 2007, Countries Where Men are Well-Fed: Portugal, Spain, Canada, Italy, Greece _____ Solo women often need a bit of help around the house, let's face. Ask previous clients these questions before hiring to be sure you get the best possible handyperson: 1. Were you able to communicate well with the contractor? _____
5. Strength Training _____ 50 Ways to Slash Medical Bills Living alone makes it especially important 1 | ASK FOR A DEAL The rate that your doctor charges isn't set in stone. According to a 2005 Harris Interactive poll, about two-thirds of adults who negotiated for lower prices with a hospital or dentist succeeded, as did three out of five adults who bargained with their doctor. If you're paying out of pocket or face a high deductible, call your insurer's customer service number and ask about the rates it pays physicians in your area, which are typically lower than the sticker price set by providers. Then ask your doctor if he'll accept a similar amount.
Regifting was coined on a Seinfeld episode. Is it acceptable, as a busy solo woman, to do it? According to Regiftable.com, regifting is ok, but certain conditions apply:
_____ A new, comprehensive scientific study lists 10 major factors to help avoid cancer. As solo women, we need to take special care of ourselves and head off problems with prevention!1. Be as lean as possible without becoming underweight _____ Eleven Health Hazards -- And How to Prevent Problems As in the article above, about preventing cancer, we single gals especially need to take care of ourselves and avoid medical problems. So to make sure you're not hurting your health, check these out. Skipping Flossing. It's important to floss, says Dr. Kimberly Harms, a dentist from Farmington, Minnesota, because otherwise you're allowing a little bacterial infection to fester in between your teeth and gums.You might not see the negative effects right away, but over time, your teeth and gums will decay. This can lead to cavities and gum disease. It can also eat away the bone that keeps your teeth in place, which will eventually result in a loss of teeth. Not Using Sunscreen. A nice tan may sounds like a good way to show off your last beach vacation, but that tan could cause skin damage -- or worse. More than one million new cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed in the United States this year, according to the American Academy of Dermatology. Go to the Doctor. You know you've got your physical coming up, but your boss needs that report ASAP so you cancel the appointment to get your work done. Or maybe you're just scared of your diagnoses.It's not uncommon for people to skip a doctor's visit, according to King. But, you may be putting yourself at risk for something that could be easily treated, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be. "A lot of people just don't think about preventative health," King said. "Do you have the immunizations you need? Have you had cancer screening?" Stressing. Though stress is often seen as an emotional or mental condition, there is a physical component to it as well. Feelings of aggravation and nervousness cause the release of adrenaline, which increases a person's heart rate. Stress can also cause chest pain, high-blood pressure, headaches and difficultly sleeping. Overusing Antibiotics. These problems can compound, according to King. It can become a nasty cycle, where stress leads to more problems, which, in turn, leads to more stress.Over medicating goes hand in hand with the overuse of antibiotics, the often life-saving drugs that fight bacterial infections. Antibiotics, however, don't fight viruses."People want a cure for everything, but pills don't cure it all," McDonald said. Many patients demand antibiotics from their doctors. If the physician won't write the prescription, some go so far as to get the drugs from the Internet.Instead of making people feel better, the overuse of antibiotics simply creates strains of bacteria that are resistant to drugs Overmedicating. Whether it's high blood pressure, trouble sleeping or difficulty keeping cholesterol levels down, doctors have good intentions when they fill out a prescription slip. But, seven, 10, 22 medications later, you could start your own pharmacy from the number of pills you take every day. Plus, there is always a risk of a drug interaction between prescriptions or with an over the counter medication or even with some foods. Dizziness, nausea and gastrointestinal discomfort are just some of the side effects of too much medication. "They actually create health problems by using too many prescriptions," said Dr. William McDonald, a family physician with Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital in Massachusetts. Overdrinking. Most studies show that one drink a day, like a glass of red wine, may be beneficial for your heart. But, more than that and you start to run into complications like liver disease, high-blood pressure or a heart condition called cardiomyopathy, which occurs when the heart is weakened and can't pump blood efficiently And skipping a glass of wine one day doesn't mean you can drink two the next. "You can't ... say I'm not going to drink Monday through Thursday and then have five beers on Friday," King said. Over-Processed, Fatty Foods. Eating healthy is usually easier said than done. Whether it's a lack of time, a lack of food knowledge or a lack of motivation, Americans consistently reach for processed foods when it's time to refuel.Food choices are not without consequences. Too much sodium, which is a staple of processed foods, can lead to high blood pressure. Fast food joints churn out products with massive amounts of fat and cholesterol, which turn your heart into a ticking time bomb. Unsafe Sex. The risks associated with unprotected sex are also well documented. You can expose yourself to unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis and HIV."It's playing Russian Roulette," King said. "You don't know. It's not like you can ask. A lot of times they don't even know. "Sedentary Life Style. The more you move, the longer you can expect to live, says Dr. Tim Komoto, a family physician from McGregor, Minnesota. A lack of exercise, on the other hand, leads to obesity, which can, in turn, lead to other problems such as diabetes and osteoporosis.Research has also shown that a sedentary lifestyle causes heart disease and even cancer. It can even lead to depression. But, don't despair, taking a half-hour walk every day can be enough to help you strengthen your heart, lower your blood pressure, decrease your cholesterol levels and shed some extra pounds.And the worst of all: Smoking. Cigarettes have a long list of downsides that include causing lung cancer, stroke and emphysema. "It's probably the most damaging thing we can do to our bodies," said King, who noted that cigarettes are one of the most addictive products out there today.Despite this, the American Lung Association estimates that approximately 45 million people in the United States alone smoke and about 438,000 Americans die every year from smoking-related diseases. _____ Twenty Ways to Brighten Your Home As a single woman with lots to do, you seek little changes with big impact. Here are 20 easy ways to turn so-so space into your dream home. Tabletop Tricks1. Be creative with silk roses. Make an impromptu table runner by scattering a layer of petals over a console or a dining room table. 2. Dine with dish towels. A great napkin substitute, they'll bring fun and color to your table. 3. Give your kitchen table a lift -- it's easy with a new set of place mats. 4. Table trick of the trade: Fill a wooden or metal bowl with fresh lemons or green apples. Fake It5. Paint a faux kitchen rug. The braided look is warm (but, in this version, not fuzzy). Bonus benefits: It won't stain or slip. 6. Fake a crown molding. Apply stamped-metal appliqués in a classic motif like fleur-de-lis or stars, from Architectural Products by Outwater. 7. Use mirrors to increase the feeling of intimacy. In a large living room, angle a wall mirror downward so it reflects the seats -- not just the tops -- of furniture. (To create that outward tip, hang the mirror from a slack wire that's attached to the frame at its midsection.) Cozier now? That's because the reflection gives you the sense of a lot more furniture in the room. 8. Fake a new fridge. Freshen its front with appliance epoxy paint. For a chic facade, try Rustoleum's appliance epoxy in Stainless Steel. Quick Fixes9. Bring on the baskets. They're the secret to containing shelf clutter, says interior designer Mary Gilliatt. 10. Get into mood lighting. Dimmers are easy to install, and they help you set the scene for your space -- a cozy conversation in the living room or a quiet meal for two in the dining room. 11. Hide the home gym. All it takes to conceal your treadmill is a beautiful screen.12. Trash the can. Retire the metal wastepaper basket and use a pretty hamper as a rubbish bin instead. Artful Solutions13. Give your address some dash. Replace the plain (and probably faded) numbers on the front of your house with a distinctive ceramic plaque from Santa Barbara Ceramic Design. You can grout the number tiles yourself, or they can be mortared-to-order.14. Group botanical prints or photos as a collection for big impact. 15. Support your artist-in-residence. Have three or four of your child's drawings or paintings professionally matted and framed. Arrange them on one wall. As a collection, they'll look striking and surprisingly mature. 16. Make your own wallpaper from old magazine covers, vintage sheet music, gift wrap, maps (road or nautical) or even a stash of beautiful wine labels: Use craft glue or rubber cement to adhere the covers or labels to the wall, smooth with a ruler, let dry for 24 hours and top with two coats of water-based paper polyurethane for a waterproof finish. Décor17. Scour flea markets for pitchers and vases of different shapes and sizes; display them together. 18. Make wall space your showplace. Instead of paintings or prints, hang shelves to display keepsakes and collectibles. 19. Hang paper lanterns in a family room or a hallway; unusual colors and sizes will cheer up the space.20. Stripe it rich. Blinds.com offers colorful designer blinds that match hues in most of Sherwin-Williams's paints. _____ 14 Tips to Avoid Holiday Weight Gain by Robert Reames - Don't wear elastic pants - especially at holiday parties. This will encourage overconsumption. - Partner up with a date or a friend at holiday parties. Keep an eye on each other as to not overconsume or eat foods that you normally would not eat. - Chew sugar-free gum or mints at all get-togethers so you won't overeat. - Make the holidays about family, friends and rekindling friendships. Keep in mind what the holidays are all about: focus on the camaraderie with the folks you love - not on gorging yourself. - Don't miss workouts during the holiday season. Ultimately, schedule some extra workouts during these weeks. - Work out ON the holidays. Celebrate the days with activity and movement. Don't be sedentary. - Get at least 8-9 hours of restful sleep nightly. Sleep deprivation will cause cravings for excess sugar and starch. During these days you want to avoid cravings, since you will be encountering a lot more of these types of foods at parties and get-togethers. - Position yourself away from the food at holiday parties. - Eat BEFORE you go to parties, so you won't be hungry. And be sure not to skip meals during these weeks as this will also encourage overconsumption. - If it's a potluck, bring something that you can eat. - Eat sitting down, and eat slowly. - Make a deal with yourself: I will not overconsume or eat foods that don't meet my standards for optimum health during the holiday season. Always set standards high for the "fuel" that you put in your body! - Take one day, one holiday party at a time. If you happen to overindulge (which you won't!) once, then let that be and move on to the next day. Then regain your momentum for optimum choices. - And keep in mind: it's all about choices. Make the right choices so you don't fall behind and have to play catch-up in January. _____ Have you heard about FoodTees? (www.FoodTee.com) And new to the FoodTee Market are tank tops, yoga bags, and more than 15 new designs. FoodTee products are designed to let people express their unique healthy living values with food images and entertaining sayings that are available on shirts for adults, children and toddlers, as well as on baby organic onesies, totes, aprons and yoga bags. Some of our most popular images are Celery / Stalker; Cherries / No Sugar Added; Tomato / Locally Grown; Cauliflower /Flower Child; Raspberry / All Natural; Peapod / Live Green; Carrot / Bite Me; Doughnut / Think Before You Eat; Broccoli / Tree Pose. You have to at least take a peek--they really are adorable--and they promote better health (www.FoodTee.com). In addition, a portion of the proceeds are donated to help promote healthy school nutrition education. _____ Take Note Of These Nine BIG Romantic Blunders Solo women. copy this list for your male relatives and friends. And give it to your significant other in case you can't tell him yourself! Hey Guys, Do Not: _____ Quick Ideas for Healthy Snacking by Amy Lippman The truth is that our society doesn’t make it easy to be healthy – especially in the snack category. At practically every street corner it’s easy to find cookies, chips, and ice cream. It’s not so easy to find snacks that are made from whole foods (grains, nuts, vegetables, fruits, etc.) I've struggled at times with coming up with snacks that are healthy, tasty, and satisfying. My clients and I find that we are able to stay on track and have fewer cravings when we keep healthy options on hand (at home and work).
Here's a list of my favorite snacks:
_____ 10 Perfect Holiday Toasts (Not Cheers!) 1. Blessed is the season that engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. --Hamilton Wright Mabie 2. May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart. -- Inuit prover 3. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. -- Joey Adams 4. May all your joys be true joys, and all your pain, Champagne. --Anonymous 5. Here's to holly and ivy hanging up, and to something wet in every cup. -- Ogdan Nash 6. If you can't be merry at Christmas, then you can drive the rest of us home when we are! -- Mark Bromberg 7. Here's to us that are here, to you that are there, and the rest of us everywhere. -- Rudyard Kipling 8. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, and never want. -- Irish toast 9. Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better [person]. -- Benjamin Franklin 10. As you slide down the baniters of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way. -- Anonymous _____ These sites offer everything you need, from invitations to decorations, to budget planning -- perfect helpers for a busy solo woman. www.plumparty.com -- www.iomoi.com -- www.etsy.com -- www.jamaligarden.com -- www.chosencouture.com -- www.foryourparty.com -- www.thefrontdoor.com _____ _____ Doctors agree that exercise can rival drugs or therapy when it comes to the mild or moderate depression single women get at the end of a relationship. Just 30 minutes of aerobic activity, done three times per week, can cut mild depression in half. _____ Singles Alternatives for Dating & Eating by Lisa Cericola, courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine 1. Pick your own produce: No matter where you live, chances are there's a local farm with fruit that's ripe for the picking, whether that means Washington state apples or New Jersey tomatoes. An afternoon at a "pick your own" farm is a memorable way to spend time together outdoors -- and depending on how much you gather, you'll be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor long after the date's over. For an ultra romantic twist, pack a blanket, a bottle of wine, some cheese and crackers and turn your harvest into a happy hour. To find a farm near you that offers this option, log on to www.pickyourown.org for nationwide listings. 3. Dessert bars: Why waste time with dinner when you can skip straight to dessert? Instead of hitting up a bakery with little to no seating (and even less ambiance), enjoy a romantic meal of shared sweets at an all-dessert restaurant. From the cozy Chocolate Room in Brooklyn (www.thechocolateroombrooklyn.com) these spots are popping up all over the country, offering an entire menu of mouthwatering creations, candlelit tables, and often "dessert flights" with wine or liquor pairings. To find one in your area, log on to www.openlist.com and search for "dessert" under your city for listings. And if the trend hasn't spread to your town, head to any top-notch restaurant towards the end of dinner time, skip the main course, and dig into something sweet! 4. Wine flights/beer tastings: Toast your relationship and try something new by indulging a wine flight (samples of a variety of wines versus ordering a whole bottle). Not only can you sample wines by the region, many wine bars are also offering flights based on season (hint: think rosés this summer). If beer's more your thing, there are all kinds of varieties to sample, from pilsners to lagers, at a local brewery or beer festival. Search www.localwineevents.com for wine and spirits lists; www.beerfestivals.org has a calendar of events and |