Relationship Wisdom: Thoughts to Remember

I wrote the following hundred-or-so pithy bites of wisdom to help understand relationships, and head off pain, when love bites. (I am aware of the double meaning of bites; complex, like love.)

I hope you gain insights from reading these love bites on sololady.com, and that you come back to reflect on them often.

And if you seek love, I do hope you find it.

With affection,

Lea Lane

_________

-One's love drives another's. Sometimes, away.

-Lust rarely turns to love. Love rarely returns to lust.
-If you forgive the person, you don't have to forgive the act.
-You have little chance of falling in love without taking chances.
-The greater the pain, the greater the eventual peace.
-If you're not sure about living with someone, take a long trip with them.

-When you grieve it usually isn't for the lost person, but for the lost future.
-Heartbreak to one who hasn't loved and lost is like sex to a virgin.
-Love easily turns to hatred; hatred rarely turns to love.
-Calling or emailing a lot means little; calling or emailing a little means a lot.

-If they want you they will find you.
-After a really great first date, you'll usually be contacted immediately.
-Time heals all wounds, if you let it.
-When you can listen to your favorite love songs without a pang, you're over it.
-Tell the truth, but don't tell all.

-In love we're often blinded by the things we see, and we often see what isn't there.

-Time stands still when you're falling in love. It catches up later.
-The more we can trust, the more we can suffer.
-You can learn more from love songs than from a therapist..
-Love is friendship with wings.

-Say less rather than more, even when complimenting your love.
-Forgive, but for your own sake, don't forget.
-It doesn't get much better than at the beginning. Hope for the same.
-Excitement is an aphrodesiac early on. Later, calmness is.
-The tradeoff for passion is comfort; but when passion fades, comfort doesn't always replace it.

-Stay fit, even if you gain weight.
-Groom each other.
-Style makes up for freshness, but together they're irresistable.
-If you don't sow oats early, you'll be tempted to sow them later.

-First love grows in memory. Last love grows in reality.
-You learn from mistakes. Eventually.
-Give back, if only in gesture. Take for real.
-Change fragrances with lovers.

-Go lighter as you grow older.
-If your heart hasn't been broken you may have never loved, but a broken heart can come from lust alone.
-No matter how much you love someone, you can love someone else just as much.
-Falling in love has more to do with us than with our lover.

-Mystery, power and generosity are sexy.
-Dirt is usually a turnoff. If in doubt, shower. (If in trouble, shower together!)
-Too much of anything isn't good -- including love.
-Once love leaves, it almost never returns. And if it does, it is different.
-Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.

-You can count on friendship. Seek it when love dies.
-Love can turn to friendship. Even better, friendship can turn to love.
-Cultural differences fade when you take your clothes off.
-Commitment is never easy. Breaking up is usually easier.
-People usually mean what they say, when they say it; after that moment, all bets are off.

-Actions speak louder than words, especially in a relationship.
-If they say 'I love you' within six weeks, they may not mean it; if they don't say 'I love you' by six months, it probably means they don't.
-At least once, women should love a younger man, and men, an older woman.
-Baggage should be unpacked at the end of each relationship. But there's usually still a carry-on.
-Act rather than act-out.

-Massage can deliver a loving message better than words.
-Little gifts given unexpectedly often mean more than big gifts that are expected.
-Don't just talk sexy during sex.
-Strive for commonalities. Enough differences already exist.
-Prioritize the one you love.

-Don't put-down a lover's family, even if your lover does. Silent agreement is enough.
-Before complaining, try to do something about it.
-When it comes to love, the happiest people I know are the ones I know least.
-You spend a third of your time in bed. Learn to cuddle.
-If a lover usually calls and stops it means more than if a lover usually doesn't call, and starts.

-Faithful lovers are more likely to change than non-faithful.

-The one who loves more has more to lose.
-Love is risky; but being alone risks never loving.
-Being with someone you don't like can be lonelier than being alone.
-Tears shed over you are worth a thousand words.

-Don't squander revenge. Use it deftly.
-The head rules in the day, the heart at night. Decide accordingly.

-If you lie too much you'll start to believe it.
-Trust first, love later.
-Believe in yourself. You can only hope for the best in a lover.
-If in doubt, change the sheets.
-If you're dwelling on the beginning, you're probably near the end.

-Violence escalates; face it, fix it fast, or flee.
-The outside fades. What's inside intensifies.
-You have a right to mourn, even over a cad.
-Don't snoop if you don't want to get hurt.
-Get back on the horse, even if you just trail walk.

-Be with someone you would want to be with even without sex.

-Need is a turn-off. Independence is a turn-on. Mutuality is best of all.

-Don't focus on the destination; enjoy the journey.

-When you want to leave, try to have someone new waiting.

-It isn't easy to leave a love, but easier than being left.
-Accept apologies unless they are constant.
-Otherwise trustworthy people can lose it when it comes to love.
-Eligible men sometimes collect harems.
-Write pluses and minuses. If the pluses win, keep trying, unless there's abuse. If the minuses win, consider trying anyway.

-Eighty percent of men who die during sex do so while being unfaithful.
-Only three percent of mammals bond.
-Sometimes there aren't answers.
-Not knowing why may be worse than the act itself.

-Bad news is better than mixed messages.

-Don't waste more than a few months if it isn't going anywhere;
you may wind up without time to go anywhere else.
-Men don't mind a few extra pounds as much as you do.
-Don't worry about not being beautiful. Make the most of your assets, and smile.
-In the game of love it doesn't matter that much what you do or don't do.

-Chemistry trumps everything else in the beginning.
-Don't let them know you're not in demand.

-Any woman is some man's type.

-Money and power in men equate with beauty and charm in women.
-The better it is, the harder it is when it's over.

-Memories last longer than relationships.
-Men who seem shy often surprise in bed; men who seem bold rarely do.
-Boyish men are easier to forgive.
-What friends think isn't important when you're in love, and seems important when you're not.
-Words spoken in passion should not be assumed later.

-Don't ask a question about love if you don't want to get hurt.
-Don't ask where things stand too early in the game.
-One imperfection is perfect.

-The best love is balanced.
-Being in love and being happy aren't the same.
-Sometimes love isn't enough.

-If you're keeping a secret from a lover, why?
-When you meet the friends, it's a good sign. When you meet the family, it's a major sign.
-When praise stops, beware. When blame begins, be wary.
-If it seems too good to be true, it won't be for long.
-A lover can always find time to screw around.

-Love, and losing love: both make you lose your appetite.
-Saying "I love you" while making love doesn't count half as much as said when you're not.

-Sometimes a person's friends and family make him appear better than he is.
-If a man isn't sleeping with you, he's often sleeping with someone else.
-If someone remains on the Internet dating site after seeing you awhile, beware.
-You can easily date more than one person at a time, but it's difficult to love more than one person at a time.
-Lovers want to believe.... 

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